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Jun. 13th, 2006 | 07:35 pm

Harry Potter message board:

Do it.

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(no subject)

Oct. 14th, 2004 | 07:04 pm
mood: creative
music: Modest Mouse - The Cold Part

Monday's child is full of grace,
Tuesday's child is fair of face,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath day is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

College night was yesterday, and it sucked really bad. Made me dread college, seriously, and appreciate being a junior. Still in high school, where everything is taken lightly. I went to Andrew's house after. We sat on his front porch while it was cold and rainy. It was... calming. These last few days since the weekend have been tough for some reason, in mind and emotion.

I'm going to my interview for Big Brother on Monday. Scary, huh? I don't really have anything to hide, I think I will be ok. I babysat this girl a few nights ago and I was in this really weird mood. So the result was that I treated this kid more like my friend than a child. I told her things that were... well, not bad, but not safe, happy topics. Like my piercing. Buy anyway, I think that's what the program needs... someone who doesn't treat the littles like kids but someone who considers them equal and respects them.

God dammit, I want my Paper Mario 2. I've been to Walmart Monday, Tuesday, and today (Thursday) and they still haven't gotten it.

I appreciate being single. Notice my word choice. I didn't say "I love being single" because that would imply that I'm screwing around with different guys, and I like it, rather than being faithful and serious. No, I appreciate it because... I need some alone time. I need to get some of myself back, I poured too much of myself away, and now I'm hurting from it. I like having time to improve my skills (reading, guitar, gaming), I always seem so busy. Haha, but you figured me out. No shit, I would take him back in one second, and that's the god damn truth. Life's tough. Hopefuly that will change someday (and soon).

We're watching School of Rock in speech class, and it's hilarious. And it tied in with study hall too, though they aren't related at all... Dustin, Jimmy, and Enrique were asking me and this other girl about classic rock and roll and other old music. Listing names like Tom Petty, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Frank Sinatra, Jimi Hendrix, Nat King Cole, The Eagles, so on. So I always knew that I was lacking a little in this particular part of our culture. But the other girl... holy crap. She was like, "What's that one band called, they're old, and they were really big and popular..." Finally, we figured out who she was talking about. The Beatles. And how the hell do you not know who The Beatles are?"

So I've come up with a mini resolution on how I'm going to try and live my life. I figure, the worst possible feeling in the world is to feel like you're nothing. So, in all my actions, that's what I'm going to do. Which, in a nutshell, is being nice to people, making them feel wanted, etc. Not that hard. And it prevents them feeling like utter shit. I'm up for it.

So I was picking up my brother from football practice in the Trans Am. And this 8th grade black little bugger comes up to me while my brother walks up from behind him and says, "Who ya looking for?" I point at my brother. He goes, "Oh. Well you're hot." I look at him, and I drive off. People these days.

Let's Dance.

"Hell no, we won't fuck here!"

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(no subject)

Oct. 11th, 2004 | 03:19 pm
mood: relaxed
music: Modest Mouse - Life Like Weeds

"simply amazing, but a little pessimistic, a year ago, i probably would have said a little too optimistic, trust me, you wont be disappointed forever" - That just really strikes me as funny. And hopefully it's the truth. It's talking about a the Modest Mouse song "Life Like Weeds". I'm looking at song meanings to compare them to what I thought the song was about... soon we're having a speech where we interpret a song and I want to do a Modest Mouse song. But, anyway, back to the quote I posted up there... "you wont be disappointed forever" wow, that really kinda does apply. So you have periods in your life where everything's great, and then periods where you feel like your shit and want to end it all... so this reminds me of that. Yeah, things aren't nice and peachy right now, but it won't last forever. Things change... remember that, Ellen.

So this morning, after my mom had gone to work, me and Kirsten went to Home Depot and bought a fire escape ladder. We took out the screen on my window and then hung it down. And it is so freaking loud. I think we are going to duck tape the inside ends of it. We were both to scared to go down it but my brother did just fine. So that's comforting. Excellent, now we can stay out till like 5am whenever we want. Then we climbed my garage which attaches to my house and we just chilled up there, taking in the sunlight and the breeze. Perfect weather.

Last night was a little funny. Me and Kirsten watched Gone with the Wind, which sucked, because it's like four hours long. Then we went to the church to skate, then to Provincial, then back to my house to grab the alcohol. We were driving around looking for a spot when Andrew called, so we picked him and his friend Chase up, and ended up going to the bayou. Kirsten drank, but I didn't, cept for a few sips of Baileys... Then we went to Andrew's house and hung out in his room, looked at his Germany photos. When we came back to my house we met up with Bryce. Kirsten was pretty drunk by this time... Gordon passed by and yelled my name, and Kirsten ran after the car he was in because she wanted to tell him how he looked like Ivan. She just kept on talking and talking. So I had to pull her away, but not before Gordon mentioned that Charles had gotten completely floored that night, which totally put a damper on my mood. Grr I became really pissed, this sounds stupid, but I had the fact that he's having fun... he needs to suffer. ;) Then Kirsten said that he's really gross and greasy, and Gordon looked really confused... Haha. That's about it... Bryce wanted to go on a walk so he could smoke, but I said hell no, with Kirsten around it's never a good idea.

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(no subject)

Oct. 7th, 2004 | 05:49 pm
mood: contemplative
music: Snow Patrol - Whatever's Left

Ooo I'm laying on new bed sheets, and they're comfy.

Brandon Boyd (my God) got arrested for carrying a switchblade in his carry-on at the NYC airport. Boyd admitted he accidentally left the knife in his bag and called the incident "my bad,". "I totally forgot it was at the bottom of my bag, and when the security person pulled it out, I thought, `Oh, no,'" So what I wanna know is why he carries a knife around in the first place... is our sexual demon friend a cutter, eh?? Haha, you're cool Brandon.

I guess you could consider what I just did random. I would more likely call it pathetic, because it is. Extremely bored out of my mind, I wanted to just drive around as it rained and listen to music. Pretty soothing, just look at the sentence. So I end up at Provincial... by myself. For the first time, ever. And I just sit there, thinking... and I came up with two conclusions:

1) I really want to go to the Snow Patrol concert on Tuesday. Several barriers are preventing this:
a) No one else likes them, so I don't know if I would have anyone to go with.
b) My parents wouldn't let me go anyway.
But I so want to go anyway. Please... let me live a little. These weeks have been hell. As in, nothing ha been going on except school.

2) There are people that have a chance to move from guy to guy/girl to girl quite easily... they are compatible with a lot of people, attractive, they can just do that. There's always someone there for them, they don't really have to experience being alone and independent. Then there's people like me who have to cherish what we get. Not trying to exude pity on myself, just stating my theory. And really... that's fine with me. It would be nice to move on all the same, but... I'm ok. So, boys and girls, what type of person are you? If you're type A, don't worry about anything, it'll come to you. If you're type B, then when you truly find someone you're happy with and are in love... God damn it, make the best of it. No regrets, don't hold back... just live it to it's fullest. And never forget it. Write it down if you have too, anything...

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(no subject)

Oct. 7th, 2004 | 02:31 pm
music: The Used - Take it Away

So a few random things from the past few days:

I almost got in a freaking car accident yesterday, and it would have been my fault. For some reason on the street that leads out of Andrew's neighborhood, I never see that stop sign. So after picking up Andrew, with Kirsten in the passenger's seat, we're heading out and I drive past the stop sign and a huge white Suburban almost plows into me but stopped in time. It scared the shit out of me, my stomach was pretty messed up after.

Haha, something else... Kirsten says we need to go to Walmart for the toy section, so we go. And she goes, and picks out a little red Mini Cooper toy car. She came up with this plan to smash it into pieces with a sledgehammer and burn it. So we got home, and do just that. I was really funny, actually, we took pictures of the step-by-step process. We put all the pieces in a brown paper bag after. Tomorrow we're planning to put it under the windshield wiper of Charles' car... that should be really funny. How exciting.

So I worked at the library for the first time today. It wasn't bad, I just shelved holds the entire hour. But it was raining really hard the whole day, and it pissed me off.

My self portrait is such crap. Bleek. We watched the most utterly stupid movie in art, and the two seniors at my table were lining up all the mirrors in front of me, and I don't know why, but I can't stand looking at myself. Ok, so maybe I know why. Haha.

Gotta take my SAT this Saturday. And I haven't studied at all yet. I might tonight, but I really just want to read the book I just started more. It's called The Amulet of Samarkand. And it's about magic! Which reminds me... Kirsten's Harry Potter club got approved. So we're starting our first meeting next Wednesday. Woo hoo.

Intro to my informative speech on dreams: So, I woke up at 6:50 this morning. Nine minutes later, I was out the door on the way to my car. I didn't even brush my hair. But at least I was having a good dream.

I can play the first part of Wonderwall! Well, like the first 3 chords. But that makes up the intro and the verses, so that's awesome. And it actually sounds like it! My first song, how exciting!

Here's a fun fact: You almost got in a car accident!

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(no subject)

Oct. 3rd, 2004 | 07:57 pm

Stole from Kirsten, posting the hilarious ones:

HaikusCollapse )

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(no subject)

Oct. 3rd, 2004 | 07:39 pm

Ok, so I've been caught by cops over each of the last two weekends. Last night was not as bad at all, though. Me, Kirsten, Ben, and Andrew Haines were just skating in the church parking lot, and Ben had his system turned really loud playing Morning View in his Mustang, and then the cops pulled into the parking lot. Ben ran to his car to turn down the music, so the cop got out of th car cause he thought he was trying to hide something. He searched his car, made him walk the line, flashed the light in his eyes, and he even saw the bottle that had the rum and Coke in it that Andrew was drinking... Ben said there was just water in it, and the cop asked if he smelt it would it still be rum and Coke, and Ben asked, "Do you want to smell it?" And the cop turned him down, thank God... Yeah, and I had Brian's freaking blunt in my car, so I was scared. Those guys are cool, and definitely random. So that's fun. Kirsten's like, "How can you not go to Homecoming out of your entire high school?" or something like that, and then she got the idea that me and Andrew should go together. And then we could all drink at the after party, which wouldn't be the case with Courtney. And then she said that it would make Andrew's Homecoming a lot better, and I said, "Why? Cause he'll be drunk?" I'm really stupid...

Haha it was really funny Kirsten and I were on the way home from Best Buy and I just decided to start driving with one foot instead of two, and I was like jerk stopping and everything... couldn't drive. But I'm going to continue with it, because I find it rather entertaining.

Gordon came to Cafe East yesterday, and we talked for awhile. He's still really nice to me, but it's weird too. There's the cloud known as Charles floating over us that we both know is there but avoid talking about.

I'm listening to all my old Backstreet and Nsync CDs in my car and it's really badass... there's actually a good amount of bass in those songs. Makes me really want a system, bad... I still need like $300 more to get a decent one though.

I'm high, so high, like Ben Franklin's kite... not really, but I just thought I'd mention,

7 days without Harry Potter makes one weak.

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(no subject)

Sep. 29th, 2004 | 08:50 pm
mood: distressed
music: Taking Back Sunday - Slowdance on the Inside

God, I hate it when the depression without a reason kicks in. I had just dropped off Andrew at his house, and he had changed the song to number eleven on the TBS CD. I drove home, and the depression just enveloped me. I sat in front of my house, just staring into my steering wheel. I became pessimistic about everything I wanted to accomplish - guitar lessons, skating, my job... And now I'm just sitting here, dreading preparing for the speech I have to give tomorrow. I just want someone to talk to when I'm hurting... someone who won't remember my stupidness and irrationality tomorrow, when I'm ok. But there's no one. I won't waste my time with Kirsten, because she will rather tell me go to shoot myself than sympathize. That's probably the wiser thing to say anyway. Thought about Andrew, but that would just ruin our friendship, cause I might freak him out. There's no one... I guess I'm ok with that. Actually writing on here helps a little bit. But I remember last Friday when I was being so stupid and touchy about Charles, and I talked to Kate about it and I instantly wizened up and got over him - almost completely.

So got a ride home with Dustin today. He lives in the same neighborhood as Brian, which sucks ass completely. But he's cool... he drives an Eclipse, so points for that one. Really nice guy... I don't know what else to say besides that. I guess maybe I don't know him well enough.

Do whatever you want - just as long as you're happy with yourself. I look back at the most stupid stuff I did -- like the time period when I came up with this user name. I realized that I was a different person back then, but the thing is I'm still totally happy that I was like that. I don't regret it, and don't find it embarrassing now, because even though I was different, I was myself. So, that's my little insight.

-"Andrew, you're a big boy now..."
-boulder butt
-Kirsten's evil grin = I would give you a blow job right now.

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(no subject)

Sep. 26th, 2004 | 06:15 pm
mood: nauseated
music: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

Well, I got a confidence booster on Friday. Ming, like usual, was talking loud enough so the whole restaurant to hear about a "the most dreamy Asian guy" that went to my school and was a senior. She was going on like there was no tomorrow, seriously, like infatuated with him. I said I didn't really hang with any Asians, so I probably wouldn't know him. She mentioned his name, Dennis, and I thought about it... and I do know him. Well, I haven't talked to him since 7th grade, but then, it was me, him, and Marcus who would chill on the back of the bus everyday. They're the guys who spat in m hair because I wore a short skirt. Fun memories. Anyway, I had a crush on Marcus, and then one day he told me that Dennis liked me... and I didn't want to go out with him, because I didn't like him. And Ming was freaking out, saying "how could you have rejected him?" etc... it was great.

Friday night was pretty random. I met up with this Ben Bluitt guy, because Kirsten and Andrew Haines were with him. We went to his house and they all went swimming, but I didn't cause I didn't have clothes. Hmmm... we also drank bawls, which is this pure caffeine drink that kinda tastes like cream soda. We were talking about how Ben used to live in Surrey, and I mentioned that sign that me and Kirsten took a picture in front of on the way to the Story of the Year concert. And he and Andrew have a thing about vandalism, so he wanted to go steal the sign. So we went in his Mustang, and man, he drives crazy. And he has an awesome system in his car. So, we steal the sign, go back to his house, talk for a while, then me and Kirsten go to her house. We sit on the picnic table outside of her house and drink Bacardi shots and Sobe. Brian decides to stop by and gives me a blunt for free, and a lollipop to Kirsten.

Yesterday at work two guys came in and asked for smoking. I told him we didn't have it on the weekends, and he said "Well, I'm smoking anyway." Alan's right there so he turns around, and the guy says he's just joking, so I take them to their seats. And then he asks if he can smoke cigars there. I say no. Then he asks if me can smoke a bong inside. I started to laugh, and that's when I noticed the smell... they reeked of pot. So I figured they had the munchies real bad so they went to a buffet to satisfy it. And sure enough, I look later and they have two plates each piled high with food. Haha.

Last night was freaking insane. Me and Kate were first going to go to a quincenera, then we wanted to go clubbing, then we just ended up going to her friend's bar/karaoke place. Jason and Mango went along to. Holy shit, Jason kept on buying us sooo many different drinks. Shots, mixed drinks, stuff with flames coming out of the top, and then I had Smirnoff on the side... So, I'm pretty buzzed and me and Kate start dancing at the front. And "Lean Back" and "Tipsy" came on, it was really funny. Then it all falls apart: Kate throws up, I throw up, we leave to go back to Kate's, but I can't even handle driving in the car. I felt sooo sick. We stop in a parking lot (which happened to be a funeral home) so we can rest for a little while. But we all fall asleep. I wake up, two hours later, and there's two cops with their lights flashing in the parking lot next to us, and Kate's talking to them, somehow she got into the driver's seat. Turns out the guy that worked at the funeral home looked into the car, and thought we wree all dead. So he calls the cops, and they come check it out. They examined Jason's car and then asked us to get out of the car, twice. When Kate was the only one to do it (me & Jason were asleep), he was like "Ah, nevermind..." They looked at Kate's ID, they knew she wasn't 21, but they didn't care. They were just glad that we pulled over instead of driving. I was semi-sober at this time, so we finish the ride to Kate's. Only every once in a while me and Kate would have to open the window and puke. We get to Kate's, and she can't find her car & house keys. Shit. We go to my house instead. It's almost 5am, and I'm scared shitless that my dad will wake up when we go in. He doesn't.

Today was Andrew's birthday. I made him a sign and got him Pez, cause I couldn't really think of anything to buy him... he appreciated it. I sat with him at church, and he did the most hilarious thing. I had to do communion assistant, and we were joking around saying Andrew should go for the common cup and chug it instead of getting a little glass. And when he comes up to commune, he takes the cup and drinks out of it. The first three rows of adults were giving him the dirtiest looks and I could tell they were just thinking: "alcoholic teenager..." I told him he was awesome, because that was sooo entirely funny. Then I found out something interesting from Andy after church. I'll call it a semi-compliment. He and Andrew were talking about how Asian girls can be kinda hot, and I said, "that's nice that your racist!" But I asked Andy later how the hell this came about and he told me it started in Germany. Apparently I was walking down the aisle of the bus and Andrew leans over to him and says, "You know... I'm starting to dig Asian girls." And Andy goes, "You mean, Ellen?" And Andrew says, "Well, no, just Asian girls in general..." Haha. Andrew is so freaking random. At first when Andy said it started in Germany, I was like, "What the hell? There's like two Asians in the whole of Germany!"

Me and Kirsten went to the play. It was so freaking boring and dumb! Not entertaining, and it's hard to get into it when it's just animals... At least it's over with, and Cassie can hang out with us more. Bah, I'm driving my car to school tomorrow even though it's screwed up. I hate relying on Charles. I want to cut off the connection completely.

Really weird dream. I was making out with Andrew, and he was a really good kisser.

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(no subject)

Sep. 22nd, 2004 | 10:15 pm
mood: frustrated
music: Sum 41 - We're All to Blame

So the crevasse I'm in crumbles a little more and I'm in deeper, with less of a chance to get out.

Oh man, I forgot to mention, yesterday, by way of the Incubus forum, I got a hold of the new beheading video. I don't know why, but I was really curious to watch it, so I did. And nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. The blunt knife that they used like a saw... the screams of the man that turned to incomprehensible wheezes as they sawed off his vocal cords... the fact that he didn't die until the last flap of skin came off. And, how they placed the head on top of his torso after the task was completed. I was in tears from strain at the end of the video. And I felt like I was going to puke.

Onward to today... well, I got a ride from Heather to school since I couldn't drive my car. On the way home Charles drove me, and I took his phone to download ringtones. And I happened to go into his text message inbox... and I found tons of messages, all from the same person: Piang. Things written included: "I love you too" and "Honey, I'm home!". So, I came to a conclusion on several things. He obviously has a new girlfriend. She might be from Malaysia, which raises the possibility that he could have been cheating on me over the summer. The fact that he said, "I realized the difference between thinking I'm in love and actually being in love" when breaking up with me backs up with this. I don't know, I was really down after that. Skating didn't really help, going to church did no help, with everyone making fun with me, but you know what helped? Brycie. We went on a walk when I got home and I told him everything. When I said her name (Piang) he thought I said "Pangaea", so we decided that would be her nickname, since we have nicknames for everyone. Saturn, You-Know-Who, He-Who-the-Chickens-Fear, Collect, Lucky... When we got back to my house, we were just playing around with my skateboard. And somehow we decided we should name a trick after Pangaea, so we said that me turning 180 on my skateboard, then completing it to a 360 would be a Pangaea. But, after the Pangaea is performed, I must do that hand motions and Bryce must say "Pangaea" in is scary manly voice. But I've decided to confront Charles about it tomorrow. I'm not going to be mean about it. I'm just going to ask. Cause, honestly, even is he did cheat, I can't be mad. It's in the past, it's over. I just want to know the truth. Then I can get over it. Well, I told Andrew this, but truthfully, I don't like him anymore, and I'm pretty much over him. But I can't like anyone else. And I'm definitely not ready for another relationship. I just need to be alone, and be more happy with myself. Not ready to give some of myself to someone else.

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