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Sep. 29th, 2004 | 08:50 pm
mood: distressed
music: Taking Back Sunday - Slowdance on the Inside

God, I hate it when the depression without a reason kicks in. I had just dropped off Andrew at his house, and he had changed the song to number eleven on the TBS CD. I drove home, and the depression just enveloped me. I sat in front of my house, just staring into my steering wheel. I became pessimistic about everything I wanted to accomplish - guitar lessons, skating, my job... And now I'm just sitting here, dreading preparing for the speech I have to give tomorrow. I just want someone to talk to when I'm hurting... someone who won't remember my stupidness and irrationality tomorrow, when I'm ok. But there's no one. I won't waste my time with Kirsten, because she will rather tell me go to shoot myself than sympathize. That's probably the wiser thing to say anyway. Thought about Andrew, but that would just ruin our friendship, cause I might freak him out. There's no one... I guess I'm ok with that. Actually writing on here helps a little bit. But I remember last Friday when I was being so stupid and touchy about Charles, and I talked to Kate about it and I instantly wizened up and got over him - almost completely.

So got a ride home with Dustin today. He lives in the same neighborhood as Brian, which sucks ass completely. But he's cool... he drives an Eclipse, so points for that one. Really nice guy... I don't know what else to say besides that. I guess maybe I don't know him well enough.

Do whatever you want - just as long as you're happy with yourself. I look back at the most stupid stuff I did -- like the time period when I came up with this user name. I realized that I was a different person back then, but the thing is I'm still totally happy that I was like that. I don't regret it, and don't find it embarrassing now, because even though I was different, I was myself. So, that's my little insight.

-"Andrew, you're a big boy now..."
-boulder butt
-Kirsten's evil grin = I would give you a blow job right now.

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