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Sep. 21st, 2004 | 09:07 pm
mood: depressed
music: Three Days Grace - Home

Blah blah blah my mom is bitching me out and I'm getting pissed off... oh wait, now my dad is yelling at me too, saying I'm a mean person... god, they always pick on me.

Yeah, so today has been a great day. Haha. That's a joke. Seriously, grrr... I quit life. Whatever. So, my car got backed into AGAIN. Yes, that's right, Stefan Mai backed into my parked car when driving out of school. And the funny thing is that I was right there when it happened. Bryce and I had opened the doors, and I was putting my backpack in the back seat, and, boink, right into the front left of my car. I was so baffled that my mouth just hung and me and Bryce looked at each other like, "Did that just happen?" And when he hit it, he didn't even drive up... he got out of the car and looked first. I was like, "Maybe you should pull up..." I could see a dent in the front of my car, so I was really worried, But when he pulled up, it bounced back out. So I thought everything was alright except for a little scraped paint. Till I got home, and tried to open the car door, and I couldn't, until I pushed really really hard. He jammed my whole left side backward. So, can't drive my car for now till it gets fixed. Hopefully Cassie and Charles can take me to and from school.

Yeah, and I broke a plate and spilled my dinner all over the floor which I had to clean up. Then spilled water all over the table, including under the glass on top.

Andrew gave me $20 this morning for "taking him everywhere, for gas money and such..." I didn't want to take it, because twenty bucks is a lot of money, but he stuck it in my cup holder anyway.

Dude, I have bruises everywhere. The one on my high arm is the only one from fainting from the concert. All the others are from skating. I counted at least eight. I'm having a lot of fun skating, when I'm at school, I yearn to go outside and just play around. I think I can ollie, but I'll have to ask Andrew how far along I am.

Damn... we've had a sub in Pre Cal the past two days, only today I thought I saw Mrs. Elmer talking to the sub before the period, so I said that and the Something Corporate guy next to me was like, "Nooo...." So I raised my hand and asked the sub if Mrs. Elmer is just here, and she said no. So I said something along the lines of, "Dude, I swear that I just saw her..." And Alyssa says loud enough for the whole class to hear, "You know, mixing marijuana and cocaine can do that to a person" and everyone in the class was like, "What?!?" So, thanks, now everyone thinks I'm a druggie.

Yes! I told Jessica I can't babysit for her anymore, because I'm behind on homework and I just joined Big Brothers Big Sisters. So I'm really glad that I went through with that, because that was hell every Thursday. Really, I'm still applying to be a Big Sister, but I would like to do it.

Man, today has been pure shit. I need to just sleep now, maybe tomorrow will hold better forecomings. The End.

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(no subject)

Sep. 18th, 2004 | 05:34 pm
mood: creative
music: Incubus - Deep Inside

Time for random memories... today has been an eternally optimistic day. No wonder why, the day after Incubus everything looks good...

I took the entire Saturday off of work, because Charles told me we were going to go wake boarding with Casey. It didn't happen. We spent the entire day together anyway. When his parents weren't home, we chilled at his house, sitting on the patio chairs by the swimming pool. We walked up to these ducks right by the lake because told me they were real, and when I got close enough to see they definitely were not, he acted like he was going to throw me into the water. I snuck into his parent's liquor cabinet and had a few sips of straight Bacardi, but he could smell it on my breath. He just laughed. Then we headed to the freepark to meet Todd, Steven, and some of his other friends. He skated awhile until the sun went down. All the skaters get pissed then, because there is no lighting so they can't skate after dark, but right next door the volleyball courts and gazebos are fully lighted up. We snuck over because some people were celebrating a birthday party and doing karaoke. Right when we got up there, they were singing "Until the Day I Die" and it sounded horrible. Then Charles started singing it obnoxiously because he knows I like SOTY, and all I could do was laugh. We went to these apartments were there was a party, but just hung outside with Patty. All the other girls inside were freshman whores. Todd and Kelly were having sex in the back of his car. On the way out, Charles blasted Drive... I remember that vividly.

Something crazy always seems to happen over the long Easter weekend. In freshman year, that was the time when Cory (BlackRaven) sent me the fake love letter that he and Kirsten had planned out. And that I went berserk over. Last year, that Thursday is the first time I hung out with Charles outside of school. We met at Baskin Robbins. We drove around and met up with Gordon and Patty at Fielder. We got the alcohol out of my house, and drank it at the rec center. After I went to Charles' house and we sat in his room and talked for maybe an hour. I was slightly buzzed so everything just flowed out. He drew the flower Brandon Boyd-like art on my forearm in silver and blue then too. I got home at about 1am, but my parents thought I was babysitting, so they were asleep. That Sunday night, Brian gave me and Kirsten peach whiskey and a 40 malt liquor. We watched Donnie Darko until her parents went to bed, the drank until we were about drunk. Then we decided to go drive around. We really wanted to listen to Drive, so we could listen to "Would you choose water over wine" and so we didn't, and laugh about it. But Make Yourself was with Charles. So we met him at the front of his neighborhood, and went into the rec center. Kirsten was running around, and at one point took Charles' lighter and threw it into the bushes. We drove in his car and listened to "Drive." We went home, and one the way a police car drove right on by without pulling me over, and I started to laugh and cheer about it, but Kirsten ordered acidly, "Don't let it get to your ego!". Funny night.

It was Cassie's birthday, and we were just sitting at her house, watching Pippin on video. Not too exciting. Charles calls me up, and Kirsten and Cassie start teasing and calling out "Oh, it's Ellen's boyfriend" in the background. I go into Cassie's room so he won't hear. He wants to see me. I want to see him. So I leave, telling them I'll be gone for a couple hours, but not before getting bitched out and death stares from Kirsten. I meet Charles at Gordon's house. We pick up Patty, and head to Westheimer to get me a fake ID for 21. Then we go to this gas station where Charles' knows the attendant guy, and we get 3 cases of Smirnoff. Ironically, maybe an hour later that same night, that gas station gets robbed and the attendant gets shot in the chest. We go to Brandon's, and he shows us all the cool gadgets in
his house. We watch skate videos while drinking. Patty has to drive home, because she's the only one who didn't drink. Me and Charles are in the back, and he's just holding me.

The last day of school. I meet up with Charles in the empty parking lot behind Chik-fil-a, and we go to Memorial City Mall. We sit on the brown, huge comfy couches in the center of the mall. He buys a deck from Fast Forward, and we head home. On the way back I remember we was playing SCIENCE. I have to go home, because I had to go to work soon. But I told him I would call him after so we could hang out. I did. I drove over to his house, then we went over to the this guy Matt's house. His parents were out of town, so there was just a bunch of people hanging out. We sit on the couch in the living room. The Buzz is playing in the background. We start making out, and The Reason comes on. It becomes my new favorite song. We break apart, for Todd and Kelly are coming down the stairs after doing the deed. A few minutes later Patty comes down, Gordon in tow, same situation. People keep on walking in and out the back door. Charles take my hand and suggests we go somewhere more private. We go in the guest room, which is completely white, and made out for at least 20 minutes. Then... the lights faded out. What we wanted to do we went through with, though... it wasn't entirely successful. Three months later, Charles uses it as an excuse when breaking up with me. He said, "Everything happens for a reason, and the fact that I couldn't penetrate means... it wasn't meant to me." We leave Matt's house after, and he drives back home to where my car is. I sit in the drives seat, and he kneels before me on the street pavement, and we're both crying. He's leaving the next day, and I'm not going to see him again for three months, and we never want that day to come. He says, "I just want to tell you... I love you." The words come out, struggling, and I know he means it with every fiber of his being. The intensity of that moment carries far beyond anything I have ever felt under the influence of any substance. We were on a different planet, in a separate reality. We would never feel that way again.

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(no subject)

Sep. 18th, 2004 | 01:47 am
mood: enthralled
music: Incubus

So, we didn't get to drive ourselves there, but in the end, nothing really mattered except for the experience. But, before we get into that, let's talk about my skateboard.

It's beautiful. It's a Bam one, and it has awesome trucks. It cost about $140 bucks, so it better be badass. And when we were skating at Kirsten's it almost went down the sewer, which scared me shitless. I would have cried.

We left at 4pm to go to Incubus. Got there at about 5:30, and waited for the doors to open at 6:30. Charles came about five minutes before the doors opened. It was funny though, we observed all sorts of weirdos while waiting. Like this spaztic Ivan look-a-like who was like obsessed with Kirsten's bra strap. And the two lesbians in front of us, one the first black hard core chick I've seen, and the other white with about five pounds of earwax clearly viewable in her ear.

After we got in, got our wristbands for the pit, got our awesome Incubus t-shirts, and headed to the floor. Then we waited a bit more. Charles pulled out a cig and stuck it in his mouth and Kirsten ripped it out and threw it into the crowd. It was freaking hilarious. And then he looked over in that direction, and yelled, "I lost my cigarette, can someone please return it to me please..." The Walkmans, the opening band, came out shortly after. I had never heard of them before. They were ok, nothing special. The singer looked like the guy from Coldplay.

Then... Incubus. Holy mother of fuck I saw Brandon Boyd up close for the first time in my life. And you know how much time I actually spend on him through photos, TV, artwork, everything. He is my idol. What's crap though is that these guys cut right between me and Kirsten, and then she made her way to the front, so I didn't even see her the entire set. The first few songs I was going crazy. Not like full out moshing, it was way to packed for that, but constant pushing and pulling. Although, for Idiot Box, a mosh pit got started with me right in the middle of it. So I was the only girl, and Charles was having a ball moshing with guys three times the size of him. I tried it for a little while, but then got the hell out, cause they don't care if you're a girl, they want to kill you anyway. Literally, because they are all high as Ben Franklin's kite, so they can't think straight. And one of the guys that was high elbowed me in the eye. And he tried to start so many fights with random people. Charles broke up like three different fights, telling the guys "it's not worth it" etc... What a peacemaker... a Libra indeed. So I was totally rocking out to that. They played a few mellow songs after that, and I just enjoyed flowing along... as corny as this sounds, I couldn't help thinking that I wanted to be in that position for the rest of my life: in between Brandon Boyd and Charles. As I was listening though, I remembered so many memories centered around Incubus songs. I could go on forever.

Drive: being wasted that one night and driving around in Charles' car with Kirsten talking about the huge dial, and then leaving the apartments another night with it blasting. Stellar: after finishing my run one day and cooling off hearing that song on The Buzz, and for the first time having a real interest in Incubus. That's what basically started my liking them. Aqueous Transmissions: Just looking at stars on Provincial. Wish You Were Here: Watching that real, uncut music video at Charles' house, and the... dry sex. Vitamin: The ridiculousness of that metaphor that Kirsten pointed out. Sick Sad Little World: listening to it in Digital Graphics, and listening to it on Westheimer one night and asking Brian to learn it on guitar. Mexico: listening to Charles play it on his guitar while laying on the red couch, watching the pattern of the incense swirls. Summer Romance: the first time I heard it I had just finished babysitting Zoe, and me and Kirsten headed off to the mall to buy... something. Nebula: me and Patty begging Charles to change it to that while he and Gordon were just shaking their heads. A Certain Shade of Green: Watching that video in Digital Graphics and Mrs. Krohmer being like WTF? Clean: how I listened to that one day before work and it was in my head every single second of the rest of that day. Are You In: That being the theme song of the winter Sr. High. gathering. Nowhere Fast: How I first mistakened "you or me" or "Charlemange" and unintentionally related that song to Pippin for the longest while. The Warmth: blasting that on the way back from the first Endochine concert. I Miss You: need I even talk about this song... me and Charles song. We even drew art to each other with the lyrics on it. Pardon Me: Researching spontaneous combustion freaking everywhere. Out from Under: the famous "to resist is to piss in the wind" being text messaged a billion times. Here in my Room: listening to that with Kirsten and Cassie in the car and Kirsten coming up with the thing about me, Brandon Boyd, and another guy making out, and it would be ok. And the pink tractorbeam.

Back to the concert... so after a while I started getting a little dizzy, but I shrugged it off. Then it started getting worse, and I started to black out, and I knew I needed some breathing space or I would faint. So I told Charles I wanted to crowdsurf, so he lifted me up and I made it across the barrier. I just rested on the side for a few seconds, and I asked a security guard for a cup of water. Then I saw that Charles had crowdsurfed over as well. He came over, and I leaned on him for support: I couldn't stand up. Then I don't remember too much after. I remember falling though, and as sad as it sounds, thinking that Charles would be my hero and rescue me. I was delusional, ok? I wake back up and he's lifting me up, saying that I hit the ground pretty hard, and fell in a cup of beer. He and a security guard helped me to the medical room, where I rested for a while. And he bought me water. I was just so glad that someone I knew was there to help me, or else I could have been a lot worse off. The reason I fainted was because I hadn't eaten all day. We really only missed the ten minute drum solo after Vitamin and Talk Shows on Mute. When we got back in we went through the back, they way we came out, and saw the stairs to the stage right there, very tempting. But we went torwards the back of the pit, and made our way up. Aqueous Transmissions was fun. I said Brandon should have dedicated the song to all the Asians in the house. I'd have to say that my favorite songs played were: Sick Sad Little World, Pantomine, Wish You Were Here, and Aqueous Transmissions. They played an encore, which was brilliant. And Charles made sure to tell me when Brandon took his shirt off, because he knows how much that means to me. His body... perfection. It was disgusting, I sweated so damn much, for the first time in my life my shirt was completely drenched in sweat. And dirty as hell. And they played a two hour and fifteen minute set. That's insane, how many bands can do that and keep the momentum the entire time? But in was once of those concerts where you are completely transfixed in the moment, that you don't even think of anything else. The best concert I have ever been to, of course. Without a doubt. And definitely pretty wild and unexpected things happened. Thank you Incubus, your concert was the best thing that has happened in my life for a while. I don't mean that like I'm bitching about my life, but that's how awesome the concert was. Unforgettable, unconceivable. We waited by Incubus' tour bus for like half an hour, but my parents finally finished the drive over, so we just left. How disappointing.

Set list from the Incubus concert: Pistola / Nice To Know You / Idiot Box / Wish You Were Here / Just A Phase / Stellar (do do do a da da da) / Crowded Elevator/ Southern Girl / Drive (alternate version) / Priceless / Vitamin / Talk Shows On Mute / 11 AM / Made For TV Movie / Sick Sad Little World / Megalomaniac / ENCORE: Pantomime / Aqueous Transmission / Under My Umbrella /

After we got back to Katy, me and Kirsten went to Walmart, got Kirsten a skateboard, plus cookies and cheetos, cause I needed food. Then we went through Jack in the Box and got... tacos. Heaven. We drove back to my house, tried to skate quietly but then my mom yelled at us, so just ate and went inside.

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(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2004 | 08:42 pm
mood: crappy
music: Story of the Year - Anthem of our Dying Day

So today was a very shitty day. First, Andrew didn't have a skateboard for me to use, so that was a bummer. Then after school, babysitting Jessica's hellish demon baby puts me in the foulest mood. Like, there were seriously times when I wanted to just throw the baby on the floor, or squeeze the life out of it. I know I sound scary, but it's the truth. On the drive home, I got pulled over by a copper outside of the mall. I was going 39 mph in a 25. WTF?!?! She only gave me a warning though. Still, what a stupid bitch. Then Kirsten calls and says my parents changed their minds and feel I'm not responsible enough to drive to Incubus and are driving us there. So I got home and bitched and pleaded with them for half an hour, to no avail. Then I sat in the bathtub and cried for a good while. Sounds like a toilet full of fun, right? And me and Emily didn't get together and skate, cause she had homework.

Tomorrow morning as of now me and Kirsten are planning to go to IHOP in the morning. Hopefully I'll get some studying done there. By osmosis. And I need to convince Kirsten to go with me to Memorial City Mall after early dismissal to get a nice quality skateboard.

Wash your, hands clean of yourself, baby, and, step down!

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(no subject)

Sep. 15th, 2004 | 09:16 pm
mood: crappy
music: Chronic Future - Time Again

Today was very random! Yay, what a beautiful statement. After school I didn't really do too much, on the way to drop off Kirsten we planned what we would do in the Harry Potter club we're starting. At about 5pm, my parents left to go to my brother's football game, so I decided that I would go to the mall and pick up a few things I've been meaning to get. I got really comfy black pants from Old Navy, and new sunglasses, because the ones I bought in Germany for 4 Euro fell apart.

After that, I picked up Andrew and we headed to church. There Jessica badgered us + Kirsten why we weren't going to Sky Ranch. And then... Emily mentioned that she had a skateboard in her car. So we all ran outside, but not without laughing at the two head shots of the rapists pinned on our bulletin board first. We made Andrew skate around and show off some tricks. And Andrew did my favorite trick, the sex change, I can't believe he knew how to do it! He's so cute when he skates. And then me, Emily, and Kirsten were just playing around with the skateboard and decided we wanted to become skaters. So, tomorrow we are meeting at 7pm and skating. I'm so excited about it! We did skits during small groups and Andrew acting hispanic so pronounced "Jesus" in the spanish accent. And when I had to say my line "Who is this man?" Andrew murmured "Mike Wazowski". Yeah... on the drive home, I asked Andrew if I could borrow his skateboard, and he said he would look for an old one. Then I said if he couldn't find an old one, could I just his for only one day, then give it back to him on Friday. And he said no. That's the first time she's kinda ticked me off. I mean, I've been driving him to school and stuff. Grrr. I really don't want to ask Charles for a skateboard, because then I will get made fun of for the rest of my life.

I just bought a Drive-Thru Records messenger bag, it looks really cool. I hope it's big enough. And I foudn this really cool Liger shirt on eBay from Napoleon Dynamite that I want to buy, but haven't.

end.

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(no subject)

Sep. 14th, 2004 | 10:46 pm
music: Jason Mraz - The Remedy

Scheiße! (that's shit in German). I totally forgot to talk about the dream I had last night. I was rather sad, but I remember it vividly, which doesn't happen often, so I believe I will write this one down.

Well, it all begins at Bryce's house. Except, Bryce didn't live at that house, Charles did. So me and Gordon were over at his house, chilling, just watching TV and stuff. We were all tired for some reason, and as soon as Charles falls asleep, Gordon looks over at me and tells me to get out of the house, that neither him nor Charles wants me around, and that I should just leave. I pick up my letter jacket, and in my dream on the sleeves were two patches, that both said Blake or Blane or something similar, and he was my current boyfriend. Anyway, I throw the letter jacket at Gordon, and I stop out of the house. I'm kind of clueless and dazed after this, so I take a bike ride, and end up at the Blockbuster on Westheimer Parkway and Mason. And there I have a chance encounter with Kate, who asks me to join her for dinner that night because her family is having a celebration. So I go over there, and tell myself that I have to eat everything I'm served or else it will be a huge insult. So I get through that (sorry, I don't remember any details about this part) and I go back home. I go on my laptop, and get an email for a receipt for a transaction that "I" made. It said that I paid Mrs. Harkins $6 to have the badges removed from my letter jacket. Only, my letter jacket was at Charles' house. So he wanted the patches of my boyfriend's name removed.

Then I woke up. A very weird dream, as you can see, and ambiguous. It's like the first part is leading me to one conclusion, and the ending leads me a completely opposite way. Not like a put my faith in dreams, but somehow I want to believe that something supernatural happens. Like my unconscious connect to the unconscious of others, and only then is the real truth and thoughts about the situation laid out. Ok, enough. Bed time.

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(no subject)

Sep. 14th, 2004 | 03:25 pm
mood: blank
music: Chevelle - Vitamin R

My god, Incubus this Friday! I can hardly stand it, this week is going to be a struggle to get through. I haven't listened to anything else but Incubus in my car. All their CDs, in chronological order and everything! Charles actually got one ticket for himself for floor as well, so we'll see how that goes... if he ends up joining us Kirsten will indeed kill me.

School is actually turning up for me. Got a 100 on my English test and a 100 on my Physics quiz. Art sucks though, we're drawing these eggs in a basket and the teacher looked at mine and was like: "What did you do? The whole thing looks like one big smudge!" Ouch. In study hall though, this one guy is trying to get a little friendly with me. Well, I don't know that for sure, but we always end up walking together to lunch and to 5th period. And he got me to peer edit his English personal narrative, and it was about his break up from his first major relationship. And the imagery in it was... amazing. I could really hear is voice in it as well, he was in so much pain. A really sad paper, but beautifully written. And it relates to me, even if it's in the slightest bit. Also, I've been taking Andrew to school. His mom got out from surgery in the hospital, so he needs a ride.

You know what is ridiculous? There was been 3 fights in my school in the last week. In my freshman and sophomore years, there was no fights. I don't mean to be racist, but it's only the black kids who think they are better than everyone else, and if someone accidently knocks into them in the hall, they start shit. It pisses the hell outta me. Get over yourself, lose the ego, you're not special.

I saw Dirty Dancing Havana Nights on Sunday with Kirsten and Cassie! I mini-movie night, and the first one in forever. I don't even see Cassie anymore, since she's been in the play. It's like Pippin again.

So, yeah, last weekend I decided to stake out my house, because I was pretty sure it would get egged again on Friday. So I wait till 1am, partway outside till the mosquitoes devoured me, and partly through the window. Anyway, by then I was pretty sure they weren't coming, so I parked my car in the driveway and called it a night. The next morning... my car is egged. I was so enraged, I haven't been that angry in a really long time. Kinda scary. That night me and Kirsten staked out till 2am, then we just left on her camera and went to sleep. My car didn't get egged anyway.

So if my parents aren't pissed off at me (which is really rare), some one else's parents are. I went to Kirsten's house and we played her Harry Potter board game. Then we decided to go on a really long walk around the bayou. When we got back Kirsten wanted Sobe so we took off and then her dad calls my phone and Kirsten bitches him out. Then he calls back and leaves a message saying something along the lines of: "Don't come near my daughter or our house for 30 days...". That was a downer.

I don't really like the new Good Charlotte song. The intro with the violins is pretty wicked, but the song ain't too original. And I hate it when people talk in their songs.

Later days...

[edit]Holy mother of fuck! In Kirsten's journal is one of the awesome conversations that we had while on our walk last night! I will post it, for... it will accomplish something. Don't know what. Doesn't matter. It's so badass, it doesn't need a reason.

Ellen was talking about how her and Charles were probably going to stay together during the summer in Malaysia, and she was like "Nah, nothing is going to happen between us." Then I made the best response ever. I wish that I had it recorded. I was like, "Yeah, that is what you say now, but then you'll be with him and he will be all like 'I love you,' 'You mean so much to me,' and you will totally buy that crap, but really it will be his penis talking." Yes, that is officially my new favorite stupid quote. Then she aksed if I was speaking from experience to which I said NO. Hmm then she continued to talk about how she could totally imagine that and has a mental picture of that. I asked her if she was saying that she was quite familiar with his penis (this entire conversation was quite loud while we were walking, I might add...), but then I said that I didn't want to know. --Kirsten

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(no subject)

Sep. 6th, 2004 | 04:03 pm
mood: drained
music: Jewel - You Were Meant for Me

Me and Kirsten said we wanted a night that brought us back to the times last year when we were reckless and totally invincible... well, we sure as hell got one. Kirsten said she was spending the night at Courtney's house, because her parents knew that mine were out of town. So she came over, Bryce came over, and Charles said he was on the way over to drop off his Physics stuff for me to copy. Right after he called we came up with a awesome plan: we made Kirsten wear the black cocktail dress I happened to possess, and answer the door with a bottle of Smirnoff and Mikes in each hand. And somehow when he was walking back to his car she chased after him and got into the passenger's seat. He drove her around, and she told him he was greasy... haha. And she managed to steal his cell phone and hide behind the air conditioners while we searched the entire house for like 15 minutes. Kirsten is my idol. Too bad Charles didn't get mad anyway, he's too mellow.

After that we decided to go crusin' on Westhiemer, and while we were Brian called and invited us over to his friend's place, because his parents were out of town as well. We get over there and are greeted by four really hot shirtless guys standing in his driveway. And Brian was no where to be seen. We learned that he was upstairs with a girl shortly after. So chill at the back, and it's obvious that these guys are majorly hitting on us. Poor Bryce had to watch the whole thing. This one guy named Kyle started concentrating on me, asking me to join him in the pool at least four times. I finally gave in and me and Kirsten get into the pool wearing this guy who owns the place's brother's clothes, and then Kyle wanted me to go upstairs with him. Ok, you're probably wondering where the hell is my common sense (not to mention morals) at this point, but the truth is... I thought that if I played around with this guy I would get over Charles. And I hadn't made out in a while, so I guess you could say I was kinda craving it. On the way up, I noticed that Brian and his mystery girl had disappeared from the couch into a room. So we made out, took it a little further even (major groping), but I stopped him when he was trying to go down on me. Because, I knew I would have to return the favor. In fact, I guess you could say that I could definitely feel like I would have to give him head, he had a huge hard-on. Bryce wanted to know how big his cock was, but I didn't find out. So I gave him the excuse that I wasn't over my ex-boyfriend. Which I suppose is true, but not the real reason. Everything was just so methodical, like some cheesy teen flick, I wasn't even feeling anything. He was so smooth yet transparent at the same time, saying stuff like, "I just wanted to get a beautiful girl alone" and all this other stuff. I really wanted to just laugh and roll my eyes. And thank god that Bryce walked in on us, because that really helped me too. So I get the hell out of that room, find out that Kirsten is in another room with Andrew, the guy who owns the house, so I make Bryce go interrupt them and say that we're leaving before anyone else gets raped. The plus side is that Bryce said my guy was way hotter than Kirsten's. And Bryce said it wouldn't be rape if it were him, he would be very willing. Haha. So as we are walking out the door we see that Brian's car is gone. Yep, the bastard didn't say one word to Kirsten. Not even goodbye. And Bryce told me that apparently Brian came down the stairs when we were both "busy" asked if Kirsten was mad, which Bryce responded, "What do you think?" and he them said that's why he was leaving. On the way out I see Kyle by my car, and he tried to get my phone number, saying he would take me wakeboarding sometime. I just looked at him point blank. Then I just turned away and went to my car. About that whole experience... I don't know, I feel like a whore for doing that, I'm not the type to randomly hook-up. But at the same time it's fun, because you don't know the person, and you know that you'll probably never see them again.

So Kirsten calls Brian up as we are driving home and screams at him about using her as a "piece of ass" and "thinking he was better than that" and so on... We get to my house and she just takes off, me and Bryce didn't even see where she had gone. We look around my house, in my house, and I even drove around my neighborhood. As I was doing that I decided to call up Brian and I said: "I'd just like to thank you, because of what you have done Kirsten just ran off, and she's officially missing." He said that she was on Highland Knolls near the car wash place. So I drove over there, parked my car, ran up to meet her and yelled that she better get the hell in the car, and I tried to say other stuff to get some sense into her. In the end she just wanted to go to Brian's house and "cry on his driveway". So as I took her over Charles calls and decides he wants to stop by and chill. When I get home from taking Kirsten he's playing the piano, and Bryce is on the computer. How productive. And I told Charles everything... I mean everything. I said that we went to the guy's house, and next thing I know Kirsten's making out with a guy, I'm making out with a guy. And I said, "I dunno... I'm still trying to get over you, I thought it would help." And he didn't really react to it at all. He just kept staring at the piano, didn't say a word. But he wasn't upset at all. I showed his some pictures from Germany, and from Michigan, and he said my cousin was hot. And the reason we got on the 300,000 dollar boat was because of her, not me. Thankssss. Then all of a sudden Bryce tried to look shocked and said, "Your parents are home," and of course I didn't believe him for a second. And he said, "I would be the same thing as last time, Charles running out the door from your parents." It was funny. Yeah, and Charles asked, "Where's princess?" and giggled, and it was the cutest thing ever. God, gaaaa, I hate myself for saying this, but those are the things that I just can't get over. He's so nice, to everyone, and it kills me. Anyway, so he and Bryce smoked in the backyard, we tried to get Sassy on the Mikes again, but she's a straightedge bitch, and then we played with the highlighters and my black light, and I wrote "I'm black" on Bryce's forehead and colored his eyelids. It was so funny because when we were in my room Charles starting bouncing on the bed and Bryce says, "Brings back old memories, eh?" I started cracking up. Charles had to leave, it was after his curfew already, and Bryce left too because he said the room was spinning. I cleaned up the house then told Kirsten I was going to pick her up. I waited outside of Brian's house for 25 minutes. I called her 4 times. I was pretty pissed off, so I just left.

This morning I went to West Oaks with Kate and Chau. Then we went to go eat lunch in Chinatown. We ate at this place called Sinh Sinh, it was insanely good compared to the Cafe East crap. Hmm... I bought a pea jacket. Before I continue, I need to say that Saturday morning as my parents were leaving to my grandparents, they saw that my car had gotten egged. I had to wash it off and was late to work, and it smelled disgusting. So, anyway, as I was driving home from hanging out with Kate, Charles calls me and says that his car got egged while he was at my house. He was so incredible pissed off, it scared me. He said he is going to stake out my house this weekend and put his car there again, and when the little fuckers come back, egg their cars, their parent's cars, as well as key the cars, and totally obliterate them. Sounds like a plan to me. So thats my weekend in a nutshell. Pretty strange I suppose. My parents are already pissing me off, my mom is bitching me out for not washing my own clothes.

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(no subject)

Sep. 2nd, 2004 | 10:09 pm
music: Staind - Epiphany

I like reading the journal entries where I talk about nothing in particular except a whole bunch of random stuff.

I figured out the song that describes the break up the best. You know how there's usually one people think of... well, mine's My Immortal by Evanescence. I know what you're thinking! Ugghhh, Evanescence?! Yes, my friend. Line that relates the most: "There's just too much that time cannot erase".

So, while looking for a book for my visual journal for Art, I find this old pamphlet of my dad's titled About Drug Abuse. And inside it this one page describes the different categories of drugs, and next to "Stimulants" the name "Jeff" is written. My dad's drug dealer, perhaps? Or maybe is hard-core druggie friend? And out of like the 30 drugs that are listed, like 20 have checks next to them. My dad's to-do list, methinks. Yes, most hilarious, I was dying when I found it.

Wednesday nights started! I had a gone time, though unusually Andrew kept on flirting with me. And now Emily's tattoo is all faded and crappy looking cause she didn't get it professionally done. And Brian complimented my hair... he would know, he works at Ulta now. And I made up with Andy! I'm happy about this, I don't like having bad relations with anyone, I'm a peaceful person. And I found at that Andy's in the same PE class as none other than Cha-Cha. And I told Emily that me and Charles broke up, and what he said about why. She said that if someone said that kinda stuff to her she would cry on the spot. That made me feel great.

I'm sucking the big one right now at school. It's so pathetic, I feel like I'm a failure at everything. I'm dropping Pre-AP Physics. So sad to be leaving Calum and Chris and Enrique. Yet, I'm still as stressed as ever.

Shit, I need to get by TBS/Fall Out Boy tickets pronto.

I'll do whatever I feel like, gosh!

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Aug. 28th, 2004 | 11:04 pm
mood: contemplative
music: Modest Mouse - The Ocean Breathes Salty

So the Endochine concert was so freaking awesome. It ended up that it was just me and Charles going [enter tssk tssk here]. But, I have to say that I had so much fun. The car ride there, we just talked the whole time, like nothing had ever changed. I was so comfortable with myself around him. And the concert was an out-of-body experience. Always is. And after I met Endochine, got them to sign some stuff, and got some free stuff. It was great shoving that in his face. ;) We are so completely compatible with other. I don't understand why we're not together. How can he not recognize it? It was really funny though, right before Endochine played "Without Love" the singer said something along the lines of "I've had my heart broken a fair number of times, and I'm sure all of you guys have and know the feeling" and I totally just maddogged Charles. It was the coolest thing ever, because he totally weirded out and was like, "Why are so staring at me?" I love making him uncomfortable. And in the car we were talking about Bianca, this girl that always calls him, and I said that he was just too nice to tell her to leave him alone. And he said, "Yeah, I don't like hurting people" and I was like "What?" [Andrew style] and I was like, wait, let's talk about this ironic statement and I totally kept teasing him about it and he kept on going, "Oh, look at the moon, isn't it beautiful..." Yeah, it's weird that we are that comfortable talking about it in almost a joking away, but I just wish I knew what was going through his mind. If he still wants me in his life, or he would rather never talk to me again. Cause I'm going crazy thinking about it. And the fact that we're both going to Malaysia next summer and he wouldn't mind me staying with him for like a week or so... insane to even contemplate. I just miss hanging out with him, he really is a nice guy. And I would hope he feels the same, but... actions speak louder than words, of course.

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